Vanishing Point

One of my favorite concepts in painting a landscape is the idea of creating a vanishing point. The first time my art instructor taught the concept of the vanishing point in high school, I became some what obsessed with it and every landscape I painted had some form of pathway or stream to show a wide path slowing disappearing to somewhere. I'm not sure why it resonated with me so much then. Fast forward [insert years] later...to one of those evenings where you think about life; experiences, events and people of the past and present. I find life to be quite amazing hence why I think about it a lot, more so the present and future, but tonight was more of a past reflection. Life is amazing not necessarily because I have everything I want and need right now (that will come), but because of how life works... it's amazing. I think about the people I knew and the roles they had in my life before and the roles they have now, if any. I think about the places I travelled or lived, the streets I walked that I considered home at the time, now reduced to a memory. It almost seems like a dream. As if I could fit every past life experience into some sort of stream or river, it would replicate an infinite vanishing point. A starting point propelling forward signifying the present and future with everything else filled within every crevice of what once was into the forgotten. Okay, that's a bit dramatic. But seriously, sometimes it does feel like a grand illusion, but a learning experience, nevertheless.

Sounds and Openness

I watched a video the other day about endorphins and addiction and how as human being we are crave pleasure. Pleasure is a motivation for why we do most of the things we do. While I think this true to an extent I find it one dimensional. If it were true the whole would be a massive hedonist playground. I think pleasure is an intrinsic good, but it's not the only one. However, this video got me thinking about one of the things that give me pleasure; music. Music is a haven. Just me and the sounds. Sometimes when I hear a sound so amazing, my heart throbs and becomes swollen and heavy... it's intense, it's like a cosmic romance. "It" just gets me. My earphones are like limbs dangling from my ears, an extension of myself. However, a good sound isn't always about the intensity, sometimes it's about the dance...the effortless ebb and flow...movement. Sometimes when I am on the bus, glancing at serious faces from the reflection of windows (don't pretend you don't do it too) I wonder what they are thinking. I wonder if they can tell that there is an exclusive party going on in my brain in that very moment and I wish I could have invited them. I do invite people in from time to time, but not many, I prefer intimate settings. Although I have come to learn that being open is so necessary. How open? As open as your soul yearns for you to be. Uninhibited. Open to what you may ask? Open to new experiences, freedom, new people, loving and receiving love, failure and fearlessness. Being closed and paralyzed from personal insecurities and potential rejection is the death of life and living. One of the best gifts I can receive is a resonating song that inspires motion and thought and if you do not like the enclosed song, you are not immortal..

Right Brain Conversations 1

I want to see
but I can not
the end of the tunnel
my strength is dimmed
by finite pressures
sheltering its beam
callous exterior
heart laden
encompassed with uncertainty
confidence beaten
broken & frail
in this vulnerable dimension
I look to You
eyes bloodshot
tears shed
bright lights unforeseen
yet i cling to loose strings of hope
this to will pass.

Inner Continents

I escape cares sometimes
through visiting inner continents
releasing baggages hanging as ornaments
you may not know this by my continence
or my confidence
sometimes a smile is real
but sometimes, its only self defense.

Open Journal: Self Reflection: Love

Thoughts from the basement of the Economics department Library (when I should be working on a paper):

"I have always been the kind of person to focus my goals more along the lines of academic success. I never really gave much thought to the idea of being with someone long term and sharing with someone to a greater degree. In fact, the thought of sacrificing or considering altering any kind of plan as a result of being in a relationship or loving someone was not only an after thought....but a "non-thought". I am not entirely sure where my cynicism towards being in a relationship developed and honestly never really considered it that until recently. I have given a lot of thought to it recently and concluded that it might be related to just about every female main character in my life. These women, who I consider role models have sacrificed themselves greatly for a man, gaining not much in return, from immediate family members to close family friends. They were not supported in various aspects of the '...llys" (emotionally, physically...etc.) Without consciously thinking about it in those terms over the years, I think I developed a very rigid, callous approach to love and expression. I know now that you cannot live in others experiences, but you can learn from them. However, in order to truly live fearlessly you must sashay along your own hand-crafted path. Being in a relationship has allowed me to see this about myself more clearly and work on it. More specifically being in a relationship with someone who expresses love in way that I have not seen or felt has allowed to remove those barriers and experience love as an expression of freedom. There is a quote by Kierkegaard that says sometimes life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. Reflection is the precursor to understanding why we do what we do and why we think what we think. However with everything there is a balance and either extremes are not ideal to healthy living.

An understanding of love as a root internal presence is essential to the ebb and flow of its constant existence. It is ever present. It has the ability to be reincarnated like the Phoenix bird at new life cycles. Love is Divine."

God Morgon in Lund!

So I am finally in Sweden for my one year journey in Europe. I am excited to meet new people and start exploring! It's not play, lots of work will be involved but I will definitely find time to have fun and make this a memorable year!

Happy May! Song of the Day - Flying Overseas