"I have always been the kind of person to focus my goals more along the lines of academic success. I never really gave much thought to the idea of being with someone long term and sharing with someone to a greater degree. In fact, the thought of sacrificing or considering altering any kind of plan as a result of being in a relationship or loving someone was not only an after thought....but a "non-thought". I am not entirely sure where my cynicism towards being in a relationship developed and honestly never really considered it that until recently. I have given a lot of thought to it recently and concluded that it might be related to just about every female main character in my life. These women, who I consider role models have sacrificed themselves greatly for a man, gaining not much in return, from immediate family members to close family friends. They were not supported in various aspects of the '...llys" (emotionally, physically...etc.) Without consciously thinking about it in those terms over the years, I think I developed a very rigid, callous approach to love and expression. I know now that you cannot live in others experiences, but you can learn from them. However, in order to truly live fearlessly you must sashay along your own hand-crafted path. Being in a relationship has allowed me to see this about myself more clearly and work on it. More specifically being in a relationship with someone who expresses love in way that I have not seen or felt has allowed to remove those barriers and experience love as an expression of freedom. There is a quote by Kierkegaard that says sometimes life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards. Reflection is the precursor to understanding why we do what we do and why we think what we think. However with everything there is a balance and either extremes are not ideal to healthy living.
